14 One-Liners Straight From The Health Record
Time for a little bit of fun on a Friday. Here is a collection of funny one-liners, supposedly exactly as found in the medical record:
- Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.
- Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
- On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
- The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
- Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.
- Skin: somewhat pale, but present.
- Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
- The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.
- Jones slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
- Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smythe, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
- The patient refused autopsy.
- The patient has no previous history of suicides.
- She is numb from her toes down.
- She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.